Some people who pass through your life are unforgettable and even when you wish them to be forgotten. However, due to events, they will forever hold a moment in your life. Whether you like it or not.
Let me tell you about this relationship I had with Donald*.
I met Donald off a popular dating website about 3 years ago? I remember going “Wow, he’s easy on the eyes!” So the attraction was instant. We went for coffee and got to know each other. Things clicked right away, he was kind, he loved being active and going on adventures, my kind of guy!
Donald and I began that weird dance of dating. You know, that dance you do after so many dates, where neither of you have actually said you are exclusive with the other, but you assume you are? Yeah, that dance.
Donald was a great guy, I could see myself going somewhere with him. He made me laugh, we had adventures, conversations were had. But most importantly, I was happy and having fun with someone. Although with that said, he had his own things he needed to work out. How did I find out about all of this? Well let me tell you.
We had been “dating” for a few months, and he had stayed over at my place a few times previous to this night.
This is important question. Have you ever asked someone a question or said something that triggered that person to have a panic attack due to anxiety? Well apparently, I did this particular evening. However, Donald never said anything to me all evening, even when we went to bed together. I remember cuddling and then falling asleep next to him at about 11pm.
I also remember waking up in bed the next morning at 6am, a little cold. I rolled over realizing I was very much
Alone.
I assumed he had fallen asleep on the couch because I sometimes like to starfish and take up all the bed. But never bothered to check the couch. So I went ahead and had a shower. Once I got out of the shower, I figured I would wake Donald up and see if he wanted to go out for breakfast.
I walked down the hallway and saw my front a jar. The couch was empty and Donald was nowhere to be found.
No note. No text message. Nothing!
And to top it off, my front door was open! (Turns out for about 4 hours)
I do not wish what I felt that morning on anyone. I still remember the feeling of rejection, the lack of respect and the immense amount of fury all at once. It’s an awful feeling when someone you care about leaves you in the middle of the night.
Turns out my question to Donald triggered a panic attack and he couldn’t sleep. He thought the best course of action was to leave and sleep in his own bed at 2am.
Every redhead has a temper, this is a fact. I will admit, mines not the greatest and even I don’t like it. With that said, in that moment, I decided to not give him another moment of my time. I didn’t text him, I would wait for him to make his move. I would give him the time he needed to process what was going with him, and I would simmer.
He did eventually text me apologizing. He asked me to coffee to explain.
We had coffee, he explained that he has anxiety and that can result in panic attacks. He said he was sorry and he wished he could go back and re-do that morning. I remember telling him
I don’t accept your apology because you have hurt me more than you can imagine, you broke my trust. How can I jump to back to how we were, when you have broken my trust? I don’t know if you will be there for me when I wake up.
Donald created baggage for me that particular morning. It was a while before I could share my bed with someone I cared about. Trust is a big thing for me because without trust, what kind of relationship do you have?
Sometimes you meet people in your life and you will remember them forever, sometimes you meet people you wish you could forget. But this is how life goes, people come in and out of it and you grow from it.
All the best,
Bailey B.
*Name has been changed.
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