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Life update Part 1: Love and Paperwork

Where have I been?

What have I been up to?

What kind of adventures have I been on?

A lot apparently.
Love, Paperwork, Driving Lessons, Having a breakdown or two and making big decisions in life.

He’s going to hate me for using this photo, but it’s one of my favorites.

Lets start off with my love life because lets face it, its the best part! The Irishman. Or, better known as my other half, Anthony.

If you didn’t know, we began dating in October 2016. What started off as adventures around the city of Vancouver, turned into dates around the City. I asked Anthony to move in with me in March 2017. He moved in on the 15 and then we traveled to Ireland to meet his family. (Who are all amazing and I can’t wait to meet the newest additions to the family on our next visit over).

I knew I was head over heals for the guy the moment we checked our hotel room in Dublin.

We had just traveled from Waterford to Dublin and we where getting settled into our room. By this I mean, Anto’s socks smelled so bad I decided to put them in between the windows to air them out. He would pass me a sock, I’d arrange it in between the windows, then another, repeat. He then handed me a little box. Inside said box was a little green ring. No not an engagement ring! Let’s not get crazy here!(yet). But a promise ring to continue to have adventures with me and deal with his smelly socks. We ate fish and chips for dinner. Then spent the night walking around Dublin. The best part was when we were walking across one of the bridges that’s shaped like a harp. You could hear music coming from somewhere and we ended up dancing on the bridge like a couple of fools in love. It was grand.

Its been over a year since we’ve live together now and of course we have had our arguments, it hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows. Although the laughing together, the crying together (OK mostly me crying), the growing as a couple and as people together have made me realize how much Anthony is my rock.

March 15th I was able to legally put in an application for spousal sponsorship.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE PAPERWORK.


It was a lot of paperwork, many nights arguing with each other on what we needed, what we didn’t need, what still needed to get done and how many letters or photos where to go into this package.

It was a stressful time and it didn’t help that I was already stressed out from work and worrying about bills. Being the only one income does put things into perspective.

A lot of people asked how I was doing and for the most part the go to answer was “I’m find, I’m grand!”. However, towards the finishing of the paperwork I had a couple of breakdowns and Anto got sick.

 

Cue breakdown number 1.
How are we going to afford a visit to the ER?!
How am I going to pay for this?
I simply didn’t know how to help him.

That last one really broke my heart. Essentially what had happened was Anthony caught strep throat, and because he let it get so bad, I made him go to the walk in. The long of the short of the walk in visit was that of a huge dose of antibiotics, steroids, and some great staff.

It was a rough couple of weeks, but in the end the medication did what it needed to do and he’s all better now. He does still make weird noises in the bathroom every now and again, but I think that’s normal. This is just another reason that made me realize how much he adds to my life, even when I was having a breakdown and he was sick, he wanted to make sure I was OK.

Again, HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE PAPERWORK!

Seriously, I can’t get over how much paperwork you need to do. I understand and totally get why one needs to do all this paperwork, but man, its a lot. At one point we realized we had everything we needed for Anthony, however, along the way we forgot about me. After all, this paperwork was about US. I was so worried about the things we needed for Anthony that I didn’t get what I needed done.

Cue breakdown number 2.
What if we don’t get all the paperwork done in time?
What if we submit the wrong paperwork?
What if we don’t get the PR?
What if I lose you?

That last one was the one that broke me, again. What if we don’t get the PR? What if I can’t be with you? It was the moment that I realized that if we didn’t get the PR for him, I would moved my world to go anywhere he is.

The day we went to mail everything off was my 30th birthday. March 26th. It was suppose to be a quite day of me go to the spa, relax, come home and get everything together, go to post office, mail it, then go to dinner.

This is not how it happened.

Yes I did go to the spa, but I’ll be honest with you. It was awful. 1/10 would not recommend the place I went to.
Came home and finished writing on the backs of the photos, got everything together and off to the post office!

Worst experience at a post office ever.

And spa….

The guy behind the counter was not a post office trained employee, he had ZERO idea of what he was doing. So we waited 45mins in the store until the lady came back from her break. Once she was back we where sealed, stamped and mailed within 5mins.

But it was too late to go out to dinner at that point. So, we came home and built a fort in the living room. We got pizza delivered, watched Disney movies, and ate Ice cream cake.

It’s going to be an interesting year ahead of us. But I look forward to adventuring the world with you and all the ups and downs that are going to be in our way.

Dating

Tinder Dates: Esteban.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog.
You can read part one here, part two here, part three here and part four here.

Esteban was my first ever Tinder date. I remember meeting Esteban at a coffee shop after work and I remember the moment he walked in the door. I thought to myself “Well hello there!” Esteban was a big guy, I mean arms for days! I never realized I had a thing for arms until I met this guy.

Anyway, what started out as a walking coffee quickly turned into a 6 hour date. We watched the sunset over Vancouver and then we grabbed some food at a local pub. I laughed, I cried because I laughed so much and I enjoyed myself. It was late so I had accepted a ride home from Esteban and once we reached my house, we said our good nights and I kissed him.

We began that weird awkward dance of getting to know each other and dating at the same time, but not putting a label on it. Like a true Vancouverite. Although, Esteban did end up giving me a hickey early on in this weird little dance. So in his own way, he tried to put a label on it. But thanks to a side braid and concealer, all was well.

I remember the first time I met his friends, so many faces and stories about Esteban were told. I remember being told “if you hang around long enough you will experience some of your own”. The night went on and we ended up dancing until 2 am. It was a great night and I truly had a good time. I even brought over Cards against Humanity over to his place one time and enjoyed an evening with his friends.

I also remember the next morning, realizing Esteban has no coffee maker. As a coffee addict I was shocked to learn this. Also, I had been over at his place a few times, I’ve eaten dinner there, and I’ve made dinner there. How did I not notice this man had no coffee maker?! But Starbucks was just around the corner. No harm, no foul, but man get a coffee maker!

Coffee addicts rest assured, he later purchased a coffee maker.

Anyway, what goes up, must come down as they say. Oh boy, did they come down. I never thought by signing up for Tinder I would be learning a life lesson, but I did. Oh boy did I.

I had stayed the night over at Esteban’s and had woken up not feeling well. You remember how I told you Esteban’s a big guy? Well Esteban wanted a bit of morning action and I said no. He did try to persuade me but ultimately nothing of the sort was going to happen. I also needed to get ready for work. What did happen though was I got pinned to the bed by him and he started to give me a hickey. Well that might be fine and dandy, I hate hickeys. I’m not a child anymore, I don’t see the point in them and they are a pain to conceal. The worst part wasn’t being pinned to the bed but feeling totally helpless in getting this guy off of me. My words of “No, Stop it, Get the Fuck off of me” where going unheard. The more I struggled to get out from under him the angrier I got, and the more he thought I was joking. What was a few minutes felt like an hour, but I eventually got to my feet and emerged a true angry redhead.

I was livid.
.

“What the fuck!”
.
“Did you not here me?”
.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
.
“I have never been this angry in YEARS DAMNIT!”
.
“YEARS!!!”

I grabbed a few of my things, alas, leaving behind my favorite black shirt and a makeup bag.

I left.

I slammed that door on my way out.

It made the most satisfying slamming noise.
You could hear from space I’m sure.

I called my sister and my BFF Mel. I was too angry to cry but I’m glad for both of them to be there for me when I needed them. Even if it was over the phone.

I did end up naming the hickey, Texas. Why? Well, because it was the size of Texas.

I told everything to one other person and she told me “Bailey, you are too good for him. No one should ever make you feel like that. We are always here if you need anything”. She made me realize something. I deserve someone who listens to what I have to say, takes my feelings into account and untimely respects me.

I asked for my things back from Esteban: a makeup bag and that shirt.

What he ended up giving me back my makeup bag, a grey tank top (that was too small for me), and some jewellery that wasn’t mine.

Just goes to show how much he paid attention to me eh?

In the end, Esteban got a coffee maker, I went out and bought a new shirt.

I also learned a life lesson.
If they don’t respect you, they don’t deserve you.

Dating

Tinder Dates: Part Four.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog.
You can find part one here, part two here, and part three here.

However, some people surprise you and you end up on a fantastic date. Let’s face it, it was bound to happen. They can’t all be bad dates.

My go date activity is a walking coffee. (Get coffee, walk around)

 Two reasons: one I have a serious coffee addiction and two, I like walking around and exploring.

I feel like I need to give you all a bit of back story about this date.

I came across Allan* on tinder and it was his picture that had me go “Holy hell he’s cute, I’m swiping right!” I immediately thought to myself, I should have probably read the words in his profile before swiping right. But lo and behold, it was a match!

*Names have been changed because privacy.

Now you are probably wondering what did this profile picture look like? Well, it was a very adorable picture of Allan and his dog. His dog is super cute, so I may have swiped right for the dog, stayed for the human.

Allan and I got to chatting over Tinder and I realized that he’s a genuine nice guy, so I wanted to meet him. He works in the film Industry so trying to nail down a date with him was a bit hard because his hours and my hours didn’t match up. We agreed that later that afternoon was best and we should do a walking coffee.

Allan and I met up at Starbucks for coffee. The first thing I did upon meeting him was pet the dog. I was very excited about the dog because he’s super adorable. If you look into my Instagram you will find the picture of said adorable dog.

Allan, adorable dog and I ended up walking around a pond near my house. It might be that I’ve been on so many bad dates that when someone asks a question about me and the things I’m interested in, I’m over the moon. I’m not asking all the questions and pulling teeth to get the conversation going.

So with that said we ended up talking for about four hours. Without realizing that four hours  had passed.

We had realized it was getting late when we watched the sunset threw the trees and the street lights coming on.

When I say my life is like a movie, it’s true because sometimes romantic things actually happen.  Let me set the scene.

Sun setting
Scooting closer to each other
Sneaking your arm around the other
Stealing a kiss under the stars
All the while a dog tries to figure out what’s rustling around in the bushes behind you.

I may have romanticized it a bit, but I’m a sucker for sunsets and smooches.

Bonus if they happen at the same time.

We may have proceeded to smooch for a little while longer, and then realized the hour.

My favorite part was not the kiss at sunset but the fact that Allan wanted to walk me home to make sure I got home safe. OK so, maybe from sunset on was my favorite part of the date.

I remember standing at my front gate and saying “I had a great time tonight and I would like to see you again, I’ll message you my number and we will plan for a movie or something”. It’s pretty obvious that Allan got my number, I got a second date and the adorable dog got to go on a few more walks with two humans.

I also happened to end up with to mosquito bites on my feet. So for the next five days, when my feet would itch, I would think of smooches under the stars.

I have one more Tinder date to tell, remember Esteban? Stay tuned for that blog post.

All the best!

Dating

Tinder Dates: Part Three.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog. You can find part one here and part two here.

Everyone goes on a really great dates, and everyone goes on really bad dates.  Although, it seems that I go on a lot of really bad dates more often than really great dates. So I’m here to tell you about my worst Tinder Date and my favorite Tinder date.

My worst Tinder Date.
Is it bad I can’t even remember this guy’s name? For story telling purposes I will call him Alex.

Alex and I had agreed to meet downtown next to the famous Olympic torch after I was off work. I remember walking up to the agreed meeting spot and seeing a very handsome man standing there looking at his watch, looking around and then back at his watch. I remember thinking to myself “Wow, this guy looks better in person!” As I got closer we did that thing where you both look at each other like *are you the one I’m meeting here?* look.  Sadly this man wasn’t Alex, but some other guy waiting for his date to show up.

Although, the guy seated about 30 ft away, wearing dirty sweats and an oversized hoodie, was indeed, Alex.
I walked over and said “Hey, are you by Alex by any chance?” We had our introduction and he apologized for not dressing up for this date because clearly I had, as he just came from work.
Please note we are less than five minutes into this “date” and I was just wearing a skirt, leggings and a sweater and I just came from work as well.

This is the moment I should have walked away.  I didn’t.

I asked him if he wanted to grab coffee and walk around like we had originally agreed on.  Alex responded with “Well I just spent a shit load on parking down here so why don’t we go drive over to Stanley park and walk around their”.
I told him I don’t get into cars with strangers. You know, because safety.

This is the moment I should have walked away. I didn’t.

He told him that he promised to keep his hands to himself on the way over, he was more than willing to let me take a picture of his driver’s license and text it to anyone I knew well.  Needless to say, I took a photo of his drivers license and texted it to a friend. I went against everything my mom taught me as a kid and I got into a car with a stranger.

On the way over Alex told me he worked as a mechanic, he owned 4 vehicles and lived in a sweet pad by himself.
Once we arrived at Stanley Park, he was irritated that he had to pay for parking. You see Alex just spent his last 100$ at Costco on wholesale goods and paying the 3.25$ for parking was just “Fucking bullshit”.

Then the following conversation went down:
Me:  “I have 3.25$, so this means you get me for an hour”
Alex:  “Well who says I’m going to want you after an hour?”

This was the moment I should have walked away, I didn’t.

We began walking and I asked him all kinds of questions about himself. Hobbies, favorite movies, does he have any family in the area? This guy never directly asked me any questions. I would always ask him a question and tack on my answer to my question at the end.

During this walk I found out:
He lives in a sweet pad.
He hates his ex girlfriend with a passion.
He likes to take TV’s apart, fix them, put them back together and sell them.
He took off his shirt and I got to see all his scars from various moments in his life.

These where moments I should have walked away, I didn’t.

During this walk, me asking questions and Alex talking about himself, I began to realize something. He had mentioned he lost his license in the past and the light bulb went off for me. So I asked him, “So, you mentioned you lost your license at one point, like did you lose your wallet with the license inside?”
I was trying to give him the benefit here.

Turns out this guy had lost his license for a DUI, not once, but THREE TIMES in the last 10 YEARS! Then the guy tries to justify as to why he got them!

These where the exact words I used.
“Look I’m going to be honest with you. The fact that you had not one, but three DUI’s in 10 years tells me you don’t respect anyone around you –He tried to interject at this point– No let me finish, I know people who have lost people to drunk drivers and there is no excuse for it. Also on this entire “Date”, you have never asked me a question about myself, which also tells me you have no interest in getting to know me, so this is where I’m going to leave you.”
Alex replied with “But the DUI’s are in my past, you seriously can’t look past that?”
I told him “Yes, the fact that you have three DUI’s is not something I look past, so this is where I leave you, enjoy the parking”.

That is the moment I walked away.

The icing on the cake was the fact that I got a text from him the next morning. The text read “I felt like the date was going really well until you left me in the park. So I understand if you feel bad about wasting my time but I’m willing to give you a second chance.”

Needless to say, I didn’t text him back.

I know to some people this may not seem like the worst Tinder date, but to me its the worst date I’ve ever been on. With that said, I’ve been on some really great dates so I look forward to telling you about my favorite Tinder Date.

Until next time!

Dating Relationships

Tinder Dates: Part Two

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog. You can find part one here.

I was going to start this off by telling you all my worst tinder date and my most adorable. But I have to share these Tinder messages with you all.

First off it should be noted, that I think Tinder is fucking hilarious. Mostly for the some of the messages I have gotten on here. Some made me laugh, some made me cringe and some made me go “WTF?!” So this blog post is going to be entirely out of messages I’ve received from guys.

The first one I like to refer to as “Wall of text guy” for obvious reasons. This guy was also the first ever message I had ever received on this app. (Read left to write, top to bottom)

TinderWallOfTextGuy
Tinder1 Tinder3But then you get the messages from guys who are just looking for one thing.

THE SEX!

In all honesty I can’t blame them, I mean Tinder was originally created for hooking up.

I like that guys that are forward, however a girl has her limits. I do get a laugh out of these but at the end of the day I’m not that kind of girl.
Tinder2
What I do look for is a guy who knows what he wants, doesn’t hold back and goes for it. Even if what he is looking for is not what I’m looking for.

Why? Well it’s simple really. Just because what you want out of life, isn’t the same as what I want, doesn’t mean I need to disrespect you or put you down.

Like Robert over here –>

What we want is total opposites from each other. We realized it and moved on. Just because you’re a stranger on the internet doesn’t mean I can’t respect what you have to say.

But I can’t leave this blog post without sharing two of my favorite on messages from Tinder with you all. The one on the right is probably my all time favorite. Mostly because I have actually never heard that in my life and it was brilliant. The one on the left is just hilarious and I enjoyed a good laugh out of it.  TinderLaughs

Tinder is weird, but then so is dating and my life. So naturally it goes hand in hand.

But I did tell you that I would write about my worst Tinder date and my most adorable.

Until next time!

Dating

Tinder Dates: Part One.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog.

1st Date:

The first ever Tinder date I went on was with *Esteban. I totally expected this date to be a bad one. Like, awful date, because you know – Tinder.

The first tinder “date” with Esteban, lasted about 6 hours and well I went in expecting it to be an awful date, it turned out to be a great date.

With that said, Esteban deserves to have his own post.

So on to the second date!

2nd Date.

The second tinder date I went on was with a guy named *Billy.  Now, first off the fact that his name was Billy should have been a sure sign that it was going to be at least a bit awkward.
We had agreed to meet up at Starbucks. However, Billy was late and Starbucks was closing. With me on time and the coffee addict I am, I got coffee and waited outside for this guy to show up.
Billy finally shows up and we have an awkward “Hi I’m Bailey, Hi I’m Billy” greeting and I tell him since he was late, Starbucks is now closed.

So we walk into another coffee shop to get him a coffee and wonder about. Inside the coffee shop the following exchange happens.

Billy – Hi, I’ll get a large triple shot iced Americano.
Barista Cool, anything for you lady (referring to me).
Me- *drinking out of a Starbucks cup* Nope, I’m pretty sure I’m all set.

The date with Billy was off to an OK start, although a bit patchy. I asked him what he did for a living and he works in theater lighting. Billy talking about his job was probably the highlight of the date. He clearly enjoys what he does and has a passion for it. But if I’m going to be honest, the date was going pretty well until the topic of politics came up. Turns out he is not a fan of our new PM and then went on about bill C-51.
Over all it was an awkward date. Billy is actually a really cool person . Although not for me, so on to the next.

3rd date.

The third date I went on was with a guy named *Dave.
I left after less than 15 mins.
This is literally what went down after we met up at a coffee shop and said hello. (Remember I’m a coffee addict and if it’s going to be a bad date, I might as well be caffeinated.

Me : “So do you want to sit down and chat or wander about and chat?”
Dave: “Well we could sit, but I have to ask, has any one told you that you have huge tits?”
-He asks this question as we are standing at the bar with coffee in hand-
Me: “Yes they have and if you could move past that this date will last a little bit longer for you.”
Dave: “But they are just so big! Do you fall over all the time?”

I had to put down my coffee at this point because I proceeded to laugh, laugh some more than laughed until I couldn’t breathe. Then I took my coffee and I left.

Let’s be realistic here, if that was the start of the date, it wasn’t going to get any better than that.

I’ve been on a couple more tinder dates since, one was horrible and the other was actually pretty adorable. So I’ll save those two for part two.

*Names have been changed because privacy is cool.

Relationships

The Breakup.

So it’s not new news, or it might be news depending on how well you know me. But, the Italian and I broke up. I’m sure you are wondering what happened!? How could this be? Bailey are you OK? Hows the Italian?

Don’t worry, the Italian and I are still friends, in fact we are going to still live together.

Why? Well because we didn’t work out romantically, we are still good friends and roommates.  I live in Vancouver, a non-crazy roommate is hard to find. Besides we were friends and roommates before the relationship, we will continue to be because we are adults.

Which brings me to why we broke up, we are adults. We have our own life goals and apparitions. We are figuring out what we really want and where our lives are going. I can only speak for myself on this part. I know roughly what I want out of life.

One I want to travel more. A lot more.

Traveling for me is more than a hobby, more then a vacation. It’s something I’m passionate about, it’s an adventure to be had. We have a whole wide world out there and I need to see more of it! So many foods to be eaten, drinks to be drank, and things to be experience!

The second thing I would like out of life -eventually- is my own squad. This means, get married, get a fuzzy animal of some sort, have kids. The Italian is not sure if he wants the last part of that and I don’t blame him. It’s not for everyone. But that doesn’t change the fact that I would like to be a mom one day.

This is and probably will be the hardest breakup that I’ll ever experience. It’s not that we wanted to break up but we want different things in life. When you look at it in the long run it was for the best. Neither of us want to resent each other down the road because the other didn’t get what they wanted out of life. I don’t want to be held back from my dreams and I can’t hold someone back from there dreams.

So when people ask if I’m OK.

The answer is yes, I’m OK.

For the simple reason I get to keep my best friend and not lose him entirely down the road. Being an adult is hard. You have you have to deal with things head on that make you uncomfortable. With that said you come out the other side a stronger person.

Even if it sucks for a little while.

 

Relationships

Unforgettable

Some people who pass through your life are unforgettable and even when you wish them to be forgotten. However, due to events, they will forever hold a moment in your life. Whether you like it or not.

Let me tell you about this relationship I had with Donald*.

I met Donald off a popular dating website about 3 years ago? I remember going “Wow, he’s easy on the eyes!” So the attraction was instant. We went for coffee and got to know each other. Things clicked right away, he was kind, he loved being active and going on adventures, my kind of guy!

Donald and I began that weird dance of dating. You know, that dance you do after so many dates, where neither of you have actually said you are exclusive with the other, but you assume you are? Yeah, that dance.

Donald was a great guy, I could see myself going somewhere with him. He made me laugh, we had adventures, conversations were had. But most importantly, I was happy and having fun with someone. Although with that said, he had his own things he needed to work out. How did I find out about all of this? Well let me tell you.

We had been “dating” for a few months, and he had stayed over at my place a few times previous to this night.

This is important question. Have you ever asked someone a question or said something that triggered that person to have a panic attack due to anxiety? Well apparently, I did this particular evening. However, Donald never said anything to me all evening, even when we went to bed together. I remember cuddling and then falling asleep next to him at about 11pm.

I also remember waking up in bed the next morning at 6am, a little cold. I rolled over realizing I was very much

Alone.

I assumed he had fallen asleep on the couch because I sometimes like to starfish and take up all the bed. But never bothered to check the couch. So I went ahead and had a shower. Once I got out of the shower, I figured I would wake Donald up and see if he wanted to go out for breakfast.

I walked down the hallway and saw my front a jar. The couch was empty and Donald was nowhere to be found.

No note. No text message. Nothing!
And to top it off, my front door was open! (Turns out for about 4 hours)

I do not wish what I felt that morning on anyone. I still remember the feeling of rejection, the lack of respect and the immense amount of fury all at once. It’s an awful feeling when someone you care about leaves you in the middle of the night.

Turns out my question to Donald triggered a panic attack and he couldn’t sleep. He thought the best course of action was to leave and sleep in his own bed at 2am.

Every redhead has a temper, this is a fact. I will admit, mines not the greatest and even I don’t like it. With that said, in that moment, I decided to not give him another moment of my time. I didn’t text him, I would wait for him to make his move. I would give him the time he needed to process what was going with him, and I would simmer.

He did eventually text me apologizing. He asked me to coffee to explain.

We had coffee, he explained that he has anxiety and that can result in panic attacks. He said he was sorry and he wished he could go back and re-do that morning. I remember telling him

I don’t accept your apology because you have hurt me more than you can imagine, you broke my trust. How can I jump to back to how we were, when you have broken my trust? I don’t know if you will be there for me when I wake up.

Donald created baggage for me that particular morning. It was a while before I could share my bed with someone I cared about. Trust is a big thing for me because without trust, what kind of relationship do you have?
Sometimes you meet people in your life and you will remember them forever, sometimes you meet people you wish you could forget. But this is how life goes, people come in and out of it and you grow from it.

All the best,
Bailey B.

*Name has been changed.

Relationships

Fireworks.

It’s no surprise that I’ve been on a countless number of dates. Mostly bad ones, but I’ll be honest with you, I would go on those bad dates again. Going on bad dates has taught me what I liked, what I didn’t and most importantly, what I was looking for in a partner in crime.
It’s also no surprise that I’m in an age where internet dating is a thing. But have you ever go on an awful date and you know instantly it isn’t going to go anywhere? However, you don’t want to come off as a bitch because you realized this in the first 5 mins?

I’ve been there MANY a times.

I had a Facebook friend post this and it showed up on my feed. I instantly replied.

Ugh. Awful date. His pictures made him seem so much more attractive. Now I have to let him down somehow.

I totally get that a picture doesn’t do a person justice, or they only post they only post one type of photo. I also understand that if you aren’t attracted to them, then why waste your time and their time? I feel you need sparks to make some fireworks.This was my response

“I’ll be honest with you, I feel like we aren’t going to work. I don’t feel a spark and I don’t want to waste your time and lead you on. Okay, thanks Bye”.

This was my go to -holy-crap-need-to-run-away-now-but-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings- exit speech.

Yes I had an exit speech. I went on a few dates with guys where it should have ended after the first date, but they seem to be enjoying themselves and I didn’t want to be mean or rude. But by doing that I was leading them on in hopes that these dates would become something. I also was wasting their time, not to mention mine.

On a date where you know it’s not going to go anywhere for you? Be honest with them. I’ll be cliché here, Honesty is the best policy. If they feel like you are being a rude, mean or a bitch because of it, well then great. You dodged a bullet there.
For me dating was awesome (bad dates and all) because I got to understand what I wanted, needed and deserved: Respect.

If you aren’t enjoying yourself on a date, then how can you enjoy a relationship with them? This is a great question, dates are supposed to be fun and you are supposed to enjoy yourself. If by the end of the date you realize this person isn’t for you, let them know. You might not want to do it right away, because it can be scary. But let them know eventually.

DON’T just block & ignore them or use a rouse you saw on t.v.
DO  respect them as a human and be upfront & honest with them.

In the end someone might be hurt but they can’t fault you for being honest and true to yourself.

All the best,
Bailey B.

Relationships

Bad Dates part 2.

As I previously wrote about some of the bad dates I’ve been on, which can be found here. I’ve been reminded of so many more awful dates that I just couldn’t hold back and needed to share.

Have you ever been told you don’t eat enough well on a date? Well I have. Have you ever been to Anton’s pasta bar? Well if you haven’t ever been, you get a plate of pasta which is about the size of a small baby. I had been once before with an old boyfriend, so I was prepared for the sheer size of the plates.
At our scheduled time for my date to pick me up, I got a text which stated “Hey, sorry I’m running late”. When he finally arrived, turns out he lost track of time getting ready. We finally left for Anton’s, and somehow managed to get in before it got too busy*. We get seated, served water and menus. I got the Gnocchi Cardinale and he ended up with Linguine Alla Siciliana. Is it bad that I remember what we ordered but for the life of me, can’t remember his name? Anyway, once the meals where served, we began to enjoy our food and some more small conversation. After about 20 mins, I have eaten so much food, but I’ve only made a small dent in the corner. This is where my date tells me “You know for a girl, you don’t eat enough. You should at least try and enjoy yourself when you are out with me.” Food aside, the conversation wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t like he was actually trying to get to know me. I simply told him “Well, just because the food is in front of me, doesn’t mean I need to eat all of it. I’m getting full and rather than over indulge and feel gross after, I would rather enjoy my food then stuff my face with it.” He had no words for that and we carried on to other topics.
I offered to pay for my part of the bill, he insisted to pay all of it. I wasn’t going to argue, and we left. We ended up going for a walk as it was super nice out and then he drove me home. We reached my house, we have stopped for no more than a few seconds. I was getting ready to leave the car and the conversation went as follows

 “What, after all that you aren’t going to invite me in? Where is my goodnight kiss?”

Note, we are still in the car, I’m holding my leftovers from dinner. I stopped what I was doing and said

“Excuse me?!” Date replied with “Yeah, I paid for dinner, we went for a walk and you aren’t even going to let me inside or kiss me good night!”

Cue angry redhead,

“Well –dates name I don’t remember- If you were a nice guy, you would have walked me to the door instead of trying to kiss me like a 16year old who just got the keys to his car. Secondly, I offered to pay my part, you said no. That doesn’t grant you a free ticket inside, a goodnight kiss maybe, but no entry into my bedroom. Thirdly, for future dates you go on, never comment on how much or how little a women eats at dinner.”

This guy, now realizing the date is over, leans in for a kiss anyway. My reaction was to dump the contents of my dinner in his lap and left the car.

There was also a date I went on when I was newly single in Vancouver, where I agreed to meet a date named Don, at a Starbucks. If I’m meeting someone I don’t know, it’s always in a coffee shop. I knew instantly who he was when I walked in. Don was dressed nicely, but he was also seated with 3 drinks. A coffee, a latte and a tea. He wanted to see which one I would choose and the reason behind it. When I told him I would get my own drink because I’m particular about my drink at Starbucks*. He said got defensive and said “Well it’s not like I drugged any of them or something! I wanted to try a experiment on you!
I stood up, left and didn’t look back.

*Antons gets crazy busy, go early if you want to beat the line
*Grand white mocha with two pumps of raspberry. Very sweet but delicious.

What is your worst or awkward date?

All the best,
Bailey B.