Browsing Tag

Life Lesson

Dating

Tinder Dates: Esteban.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog.
You can read part one here, part two here, part three here and part four here.

Esteban was my first ever Tinder date. I remember meeting Esteban at a coffee shop after work and I remember the moment he walked in the door. I thought to myself “Well hello there!” Esteban was a big guy, I mean arms for days! I never realized I had a thing for arms until I met this guy.

Anyway, what started out as a walking coffee quickly turned into a 6 hour date. We watched the sunset over Vancouver and then we grabbed some food at a local pub. I laughed, I cried because I laughed so much and I enjoyed myself. It was late so I had accepted a ride home from Esteban and once we reached my house, we said our good nights and I kissed him.

We began that weird awkward dance of getting to know each other and dating at the same time, but not putting a label on it. Like a true Vancouverite. Although, Esteban did end up giving me a hickey early on in this weird little dance. So in his own way, he tried to put a label on it. But thanks to a side braid and concealer, all was well.

I remember the first time I met his friends, so many faces and stories about Esteban were told. I remember being told “if you hang around long enough you will experience some of your own”. The night went on and we ended up dancing until 2 am. It was a great night and I truly had a good time. I even brought over Cards against Humanity over to his place one time and enjoyed an evening with his friends.

I also remember the next morning, realizing Esteban has no coffee maker. As a coffee addict I was shocked to learn this. Also, I had been over at his place a few times, I’ve eaten dinner there, and I’ve made dinner there. How did I not notice this man had no coffee maker?! But Starbucks was just around the corner. No harm, no foul, but man get a coffee maker!

Coffee addicts rest assured, he later purchased a coffee maker.

Anyway, what goes up, must come down as they say. Oh boy, did they come down. I never thought by signing up for Tinder I would be learning a life lesson, but I did. Oh boy did I.

I had stayed the night over at Esteban’s and had woken up not feeling well. You remember how I told you Esteban’s a big guy? Well Esteban wanted a bit of morning action and I said no. He did try to persuade me but ultimately nothing of the sort was going to happen. I also needed to get ready for work. What did happen though was I got pinned to the bed by him and he started to give me a hickey. Well that might be fine and dandy, I hate hickeys. I’m not a child anymore, I don’t see the point in them and they are a pain to conceal. The worst part wasn’t being pinned to the bed but feeling totally helpless in getting this guy off of me. My words of “No, Stop it, Get the Fuck off of me” where going unheard. The more I struggled to get out from under him the angrier I got, and the more he thought I was joking. What was a few minutes felt like an hour, but I eventually got to my feet and emerged a true angry redhead.

I was livid.
.

“What the fuck!”
.
“Did you not here me?”
.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
.
“I have never been this angry in YEARS DAMNIT!”
.
“YEARS!!!”

I grabbed a few of my things, alas, leaving behind my favorite black shirt and a makeup bag.

I left.

I slammed that door on my way out.

It made the most satisfying slamming noise.
You could hear from space I’m sure.

I called my sister and my BFF Mel. I was too angry to cry but I’m glad for both of them to be there for me when I needed them. Even if it was over the phone.

I did end up naming the hickey, Texas. Why? Well, because it was the size of Texas.

I told everything to one other person and she told me “Bailey, you are too good for him. No one should ever make you feel like that. We are always here if you need anything”. She made me realize something. I deserve someone who listens to what I have to say, takes my feelings into account and untimely respects me.

I asked for my things back from Esteban: a makeup bag and that shirt.

What he ended up giving me back my makeup bag, a grey tank top (that was too small for me), and some jewellery that wasn’t mine.

Just goes to show how much he paid attention to me eh?

In the end, Esteban got a coffee maker, I went out and bought a new shirt.

I also learned a life lesson.
If they don’t respect you, they don’t deserve you.

Life

Life Lessons.

I believe that every person who enters our life teaches us a life lesson. Some lessons are more important than others. Some will be learned over and over again. However, some lessons will be learned the hard way.

Let’s roll back to 2006 and my first official relationship. For privacy reasons we will call him Lowie.

Lowie taught me about Love, self-respect and most importantly: Cheaters never prosper.

I took an interest in my art and always had my nose in a book, so dating wasn’t an interest to me until very late into high school. So I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 17 and the last year of High school. This was also the time that Lowie entered my life. At the time I found him to be charming, sweet, he could hold a real conversation, and he was a looker. Curly blond hair, Blue eyes, athletic. The total length of our relationship lasted 2 years. Although, looking back it should have ended around our 1 year.

The reason for this is after about a year, Lowie cheated on me. He had gone on a date with a girl and sealed it with a kiss. Finding out Lowie took the time to get to know this girl over a date, driving her home and kissing her good night. First boyfriend and heartbreak. However, I was going to stand my ground. It’s been almost some years since that breakup. I can still remember being on the phone with him asking who this girl was and he didn’t lie to me; he told me he was sorry, it was a mistake. I remember telling him that he didn’t really love me; he didn’t respect me as his girlfriend. How could I continue dating someone who could so easily betray me? My heart was broken by not just some guy, but someone I considered at the time to be a true friend. I was done, relationship over.

Cue getting roses and love notes every day for a week. It was especially romantic because he was away working at a summer camp. So of course, I took him back. I was being wooed! What kind of 18 year old wouldn’t love this?

We dated another year before we broke up, for good. Why did we break up after another year? Well, he cheated on me again. This time I would let him go, I deserved better.

This relationship taught me many things. One was one of the most important life lessons to date.

Cheaters never prosper and aren’t worth it to keep them.

I find it funny how lessons you learned in your past can help you in your present. Over  the years I’ve had other boyfriends who’ve cheated, but unlike the first, they don’t get to come back. I refuse to allow myself to be with someone who can’t make the effort to stand beside me on this crazy ride called life.

It’s like the saying goes, When Life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade. You have to put in the work to get the reward.

All the best,
Bailey B.