Browsing Tag

respect

Dating

Tinder Dates: Esteban.

If you know me you know I’ve gone on some horrible dates.

So naturally I signed up for Tinder. You know, keep the bad dates going and content for the blog.
You can read part one here, part two here, part three here and part four here.

Esteban was my first ever Tinder date. I remember meeting Esteban at a coffee shop after work and I remember the moment he walked in the door. I thought to myself “Well hello there!” Esteban was a big guy, I mean arms for days! I never realized I had a thing for arms until I met this guy.

Anyway, what started out as a walking coffee quickly turned into a 6 hour date. We watched the sunset over Vancouver and then we grabbed some food at a local pub. I laughed, I cried because I laughed so much and I enjoyed myself. It was late so I had accepted a ride home from Esteban and once we reached my house, we said our good nights and I kissed him.

We began that weird awkward dance of getting to know each other and dating at the same time, but not putting a label on it. Like a true Vancouverite. Although, Esteban did end up giving me a hickey early on in this weird little dance. So in his own way, he tried to put a label on it. But thanks to a side braid and concealer, all was well.

I remember the first time I met his friends, so many faces and stories about Esteban were told. I remember being told “if you hang around long enough you will experience some of your own”. The night went on and we ended up dancing until 2 am. It was a great night and I truly had a good time. I even brought over Cards against Humanity over to his place one time and enjoyed an evening with his friends.

I also remember the next morning, realizing Esteban has no coffee maker. As a coffee addict I was shocked to learn this. Also, I had been over at his place a few times, I’ve eaten dinner there, and I’ve made dinner there. How did I not notice this man had no coffee maker?! But Starbucks was just around the corner. No harm, no foul, but man get a coffee maker!

Coffee addicts rest assured, he later purchased a coffee maker.

Anyway, what goes up, must come down as they say. Oh boy, did they come down. I never thought by signing up for Tinder I would be learning a life lesson, but I did. Oh boy did I.

I had stayed the night over at Esteban’s and had woken up not feeling well. You remember how I told you Esteban’s a big guy? Well Esteban wanted a bit of morning action and I said no. He did try to persuade me but ultimately nothing of the sort was going to happen. I also needed to get ready for work. What did happen though was I got pinned to the bed by him and he started to give me a hickey. Well that might be fine and dandy, I hate hickeys. I’m not a child anymore, I don’t see the point in them and they are a pain to conceal. The worst part wasn’t being pinned to the bed but feeling totally helpless in getting this guy off of me. My words of “No, Stop it, Get the Fuck off of me” where going unheard. The more I struggled to get out from under him the angrier I got, and the more he thought I was joking. What was a few minutes felt like an hour, but I eventually got to my feet and emerged a true angry redhead.

I was livid.
.

“What the fuck!”
.
“Did you not here me?”
.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
.
“I have never been this angry in YEARS DAMNIT!”
.
“YEARS!!!”

I grabbed a few of my things, alas, leaving behind my favorite black shirt and a makeup bag.

I left.

I slammed that door on my way out.

It made the most satisfying slamming noise.
You could hear from space I’m sure.

I called my sister and my BFF Mel. I was too angry to cry but I’m glad for both of them to be there for me when I needed them. Even if it was over the phone.

I did end up naming the hickey, Texas. Why? Well, because it was the size of Texas.

I told everything to one other person and she told me “Bailey, you are too good for him. No one should ever make you feel like that. We are always here if you need anything”. She made me realize something. I deserve someone who listens to what I have to say, takes my feelings into account and untimely respects me.

I asked for my things back from Esteban: a makeup bag and that shirt.

What he ended up giving me back my makeup bag, a grey tank top (that was too small for me), and some jewellery that wasn’t mine.

Just goes to show how much he paid attention to me eh?

In the end, Esteban got a coffee maker, I went out and bought a new shirt.

I also learned a life lesson.
If they don’t respect you, they don’t deserve you.

Relationships

Unforgettable

Some people who pass through your life are unforgettable and even when you wish them to be forgotten. However, due to events, they will forever hold a moment in your life. Whether you like it or not.

Let me tell you about this relationship I had with Donald*.

I met Donald off a popular dating website about 3 years ago? I remember going “Wow, he’s easy on the eyes!” So the attraction was instant. We went for coffee and got to know each other. Things clicked right away, he was kind, he loved being active and going on adventures, my kind of guy!

Donald and I began that weird dance of dating. You know, that dance you do after so many dates, where neither of you have actually said you are exclusive with the other, but you assume you are? Yeah, that dance.

Donald was a great guy, I could see myself going somewhere with him. He made me laugh, we had adventures, conversations were had. But most importantly, I was happy and having fun with someone. Although with that said, he had his own things he needed to work out. How did I find out about all of this? Well let me tell you.

We had been “dating” for a few months, and he had stayed over at my place a few times previous to this night.

This is important question. Have you ever asked someone a question or said something that triggered that person to have a panic attack due to anxiety? Well apparently, I did this particular evening. However, Donald never said anything to me all evening, even when we went to bed together. I remember cuddling and then falling asleep next to him at about 11pm.

I also remember waking up in bed the next morning at 6am, a little cold. I rolled over realizing I was very much

Alone.

I assumed he had fallen asleep on the couch because I sometimes like to starfish and take up all the bed. But never bothered to check the couch. So I went ahead and had a shower. Once I got out of the shower, I figured I would wake Donald up and see if he wanted to go out for breakfast.

I walked down the hallway and saw my front a jar. The couch was empty and Donald was nowhere to be found.

No note. No text message. Nothing!
And to top it off, my front door was open! (Turns out for about 4 hours)

I do not wish what I felt that morning on anyone. I still remember the feeling of rejection, the lack of respect and the immense amount of fury all at once. It’s an awful feeling when someone you care about leaves you in the middle of the night.

Turns out my question to Donald triggered a panic attack and he couldn’t sleep. He thought the best course of action was to leave and sleep in his own bed at 2am.

Every redhead has a temper, this is a fact. I will admit, mines not the greatest and even I don’t like it. With that said, in that moment, I decided to not give him another moment of my time. I didn’t text him, I would wait for him to make his move. I would give him the time he needed to process what was going with him, and I would simmer.

He did eventually text me apologizing. He asked me to coffee to explain.

We had coffee, he explained that he has anxiety and that can result in panic attacks. He said he was sorry and he wished he could go back and re-do that morning. I remember telling him

I don’t accept your apology because you have hurt me more than you can imagine, you broke my trust. How can I jump to back to how we were, when you have broken my trust? I don’t know if you will be there for me when I wake up.

Donald created baggage for me that particular morning. It was a while before I could share my bed with someone I cared about. Trust is a big thing for me because without trust, what kind of relationship do you have?
Sometimes you meet people in your life and you will remember them forever, sometimes you meet people you wish you could forget. But this is how life goes, people come in and out of it and you grow from it.

All the best,
Bailey B.

*Name has been changed.

Relationships

Fireworks.

It’s no surprise that I’ve been on a countless number of dates. Mostly bad ones, but I’ll be honest with you, I would go on those bad dates again. Going on bad dates has taught me what I liked, what I didn’t and most importantly, what I was looking for in a partner in crime.
It’s also no surprise that I’m in an age where internet dating is a thing. But have you ever go on an awful date and you know instantly it isn’t going to go anywhere? However, you don’t want to come off as a bitch because you realized this in the first 5 mins?

I’ve been there MANY a times.

I had a Facebook friend post this and it showed up on my feed. I instantly replied.

Ugh. Awful date. His pictures made him seem so much more attractive. Now I have to let him down somehow.

I totally get that a picture doesn’t do a person justice, or they only post they only post one type of photo. I also understand that if you aren’t attracted to them, then why waste your time and their time? I feel you need sparks to make some fireworks.This was my response

“I’ll be honest with you, I feel like we aren’t going to work. I don’t feel a spark and I don’t want to waste your time and lead you on. Okay, thanks Bye”.

This was my go to -holy-crap-need-to-run-away-now-but-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings- exit speech.

Yes I had an exit speech. I went on a few dates with guys where it should have ended after the first date, but they seem to be enjoying themselves and I didn’t want to be mean or rude. But by doing that I was leading them on in hopes that these dates would become something. I also was wasting their time, not to mention mine.

On a date where you know it’s not going to go anywhere for you? Be honest with them. I’ll be cliché here, Honesty is the best policy. If they feel like you are being a rude, mean or a bitch because of it, well then great. You dodged a bullet there.
For me dating was awesome (bad dates and all) because I got to understand what I wanted, needed and deserved: Respect.

If you aren’t enjoying yourself on a date, then how can you enjoy a relationship with them? This is a great question, dates are supposed to be fun and you are supposed to enjoy yourself. If by the end of the date you realize this person isn’t for you, let them know. You might not want to do it right away, because it can be scary. But let them know eventually.

DON’T just block & ignore them or use a rouse you saw on t.v.
DO  respect them as a human and be upfront & honest with them.

In the end someone might be hurt but they can’t fault you for being honest and true to yourself.

All the best,
Bailey B.